I know how this must sound but...I am 28. Was thin, active, outgoing. Now I'm over weight and lazy.?

I was in the Air Force. I was happy and active and sociable. I was an Air Traffic Controller. I got out in 2005 had a baby and married the man of my dreams. I confided in my husband some horrible things that had happened to me as a small child from two of my own family members. He was very upset and demanded that I say something to the one person still living. This man still living was 6 years older than me, now married and had a daughter of his own. My husband said I could be preventing something from happening to her. I knew I would not be able to live with myself if that happened and I never said anything because of my own fears. He had also done similar things to 3 of my cousins but only went to the same extreme with one as he did with me. This is all coming about many years later. I was nine when this nightmare happened, and age 2-7 when I was at daily mercy of my grandfather. My daughter looks so much like me that when I look at her sometimes I just break down into an uncontrollable cry and anger. My love for her is so strong and I see myself in her and i can't imagine how someone could have done those horrific things to me. I came out with it to my mom first, she is the person that I direct most of the blame and anger towards since almost my who childhood she was either addicted to meth or gone out of state with her live in boyfriend. She said it would be best to tell him mom (my moms sister) first that I am requesting an apology at the least for the things I went through. To make a long story short, he denied it and my family turned against me. They say they believed me but this was selfish of me because it happened so long ago and there was nothing that could change the past and I was just trying to tear our family apart. I was no longer invited to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners. My mom even took their side. My cousins that had experience this as well as a child came to me and cried, calling me brave and confinded in me very personal details, but begged me not to say anything because they didn't want what happened to me to happen to them. I never did. I just tried to go on and make my husband and my children my world. 3 years later I had my second child. Things were great until Nov. 2009. My nightmare began. I got a call from my husbands ex wife where she informed me she had sexual relations with my husband when i was 8 months pregnant with our son. I felt the worst betrayl ever. Here I have been disowned by my family and wishing I had never listening to him because it hurt worse than keeping it inside. Then here he is being a fake and getting me all to myself feeling like he is the only person I have. When actually he is hurting me so much worse. I love him and it has caused so much anger, distrust, and resentment. But, I want more than anything to make marriage work. I know he loves me. I believe many men cheat for satisfaction reasons and not emotional (generally, not always). My mom and I have reconsiled. She is living with me now because she has shot her credit, doesn't have a DL. My husband and I are back together after a 9 month seperation. My husband has been very loving and truley remorseful for breaking his vowels. I have every reason to be happy it seems. BUT I am angry all the time. I am hateful. I cry for no reason. I eat all the time and then hate myself it. I have horrible acne from stress and aggression I guess. I am so unhappy with my weight but all I think about is food and the couch. I wont let my kids go to the mailbox if i seen in a 100 mile radius in the last 30 days ( a lil exagerated). I have no desire to hang out with friends or kiss my husband. I hug and kiss my kids all the time. I just can't seem to relax and enjoy anything. I'm alway on the defense and I tend to get in fist fights a lot with girls for stupid reasons. I take meds. plenty of RX from a good psych doctor. But that only helps to knock off the edge. And they make me hungry and I eat any and everything anytime, hungry or not. Then my depression is set in. I'm just a hopeless waste that is damaged good. damaged and just exsisting.